Steadfast

I want to start this post with a psalm. Dwell on it as slowly and meditatively as possible:

Psalm 103 ESV (emphasis mine)

1 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! 2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. 8 The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9 He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. 10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. 13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. 14 For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; 16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. 17 But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to

everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, 18 to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. 19 The Lord has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Bless the Lord, O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word! 21 Bless the Lord, all his hosts, his ministers, who do his will! 22 Bless the Lord, all his works, in all places of his dominion. Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Quite the psalm. One I have read many times, yet today gained a new perspective on who my God truly is. One that compelled me to write again after not posting since November 2022.

Bless the Lord, O my soul! He is a mighty Lord who forgives and redeems, who brings justice and mercy. Who loves us. Wholly. Completely. Steadfastly.

What does the word steadfast truly mean? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary [1], this is the definition:

steadfast adjective

stead・fast

1 a. firmly fixed in place: IMMOVABLE

b. not subject to change

2. firm in belief, determination, or adherence: LOYAL

Immovably loyal. Two very powerful words, intentionally chosen. And if we go one step further, we see that in this particular psalm, steadfast love is translated from the Hebrew word hesed [2]. The Hebrew language is one so multifaceted and rich in depth that the English language cannot possibly capture the full meaning of this hesed. However, it is used in multiple passages throughout the Bible; Isaiah 54:10, Psalm 88:11, and Psalm 69:15-16 to name a few [3]. Constantly reminding us of the Lord's mercy, faithfulness, and unfailing, undying, unchanging, immovable, loyal, steadfast love.

What does this mean for us though?

I am someone who has always struggled with perfectionism and doubt. And when I don't do something perfectly (i.e. sin in some way as we are all bound to do), I suddenly experience a wave of doubt. What if I am now not good enough for God? What if I am a disappointment, one He can't stand to look upon for all my unholiness and impurity? What if my imperfection, my sin, makes Him so angry that He unleashes His wrath and fury upon me? Or worse, turns His back on me, for good this time? What if He doesn't love me anymore?

Always perfecting, following rules, until I sin, doubting, shying away from God, until my fear and guilt compels me to pray to God, who loves but demands perfection, following rules... and so the vicious cycle goes. Constantly desiring to please but always failing to achieve and receive the love and warmth I crave.

Where did this idea of God come from? One who tires of my internal monologues, who is angered by my sinful stupidity, who shakes his head at my emotional rollercoasters, who will hate me until I am perfect?

I'm as sure as hell it's the one they call Lucifer.

The devil loves to twist the truth until it is unrecognisable. He makes good look evil and evil look good. He knows when to distract and when to destroy. He hints in one breath and denies in the next. He encourages when it is wrong and shames when it is right. He tempts and he guilts. Over and over, he continues to confuse, mislead, and misconstrue who God is and who we are because of what He has done.

I have slowly and painfully come to recognise that many of the things I hate about the world, about human relationships, about myself - I can subconsciously project onto God and what I think He must be like. However, the world is full of sin and sinful people, yet God has no sin in Him (1 John 3:5).

So, as I read through Psalm 103 again, I truly took note of the word steadfast properly for the first time. And not just steadfast, but steadfast love. A weight was heavy on my chest as I saw anew who God truly is. He is the God who redeems and rescues from the pit, who heals and forgives. Who crowns us with steadfast love and mercy.

What an image!

Old, dirty rags removed and replaced with those of a crisp clean white - as pure as snow. Kneeling in the holy and perfect presence of a Heavenly Father as His royally adopted child. Filled with awe and adoration. A beautiful crown placed on the precious head of His beloved. One that is weighty, not in duty and rules and fear, but in steadfast love and mercy and compassion. For this crown is a reminder not of who we must live up to, but of who we live for. Not a hateful, unforgiving, unjust God who demands perfection, but One who longs to shower us with His hesed.

As it says in verses 10 and 11, "He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love towards those who fear Him;".

This is who God is. Who He has always been. Who He will always be. And it is why He sent Jesus. He was slain so that we do not have to be, so that we do not slay ourselves. So that we might be co-heirs with Christ instead.

Yes, we sin, and it grieves His heart undeniably. But just as our sin is inevitable, so is His love and mercy. And He delights in bestowing it quickly when we repent, at once removing our sin and the barrier it causes. He does not wish us further away from Himself - He longs for us to be near Him for we are His beloved. Because while the devil may try and convince us that we are no-good, worthless, sinful, hateful beings, our Father has all the authority in calling us righteous, valued, worthy, forgiven, chosen and loved.

Deeply and truly, surely and steadfastly.

No matter what you or I have thought, said or done, He remains the same. We need only to believe it and be still.

It's that simple.

So, next time I feel the ugly weight of 'not enough', I'll know it's only the devil trying his hardest to cover up the beautiful weight of steadfast love.

"… Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are" - Casting Crowns, Who Am I

References: 1. Definition of STEADFAST [Internet]. www.merriam-webster.com. Available from: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/steadfast 2. Ortlund DC. The Amazing Truth at the Heart of the Psalms [Internet]. Crossway. 2017 [cited 2023 Feb 9]. Available from: https://www.crossway.org/articles/the-amazing-truth-at-the-heart-of-the-psalms/ 3. Snow A. The Meaning of Hesed: Hebrew for Love [Internet]. FIRM Israel. 2021. Available from: https://firmisrael.org/learn/the-meaning-of-hesed-hebrew-for-love/